So you’ve finished a short story. Or an article. Or a chapter in your book. Maybe a poem. You think you’re ready to edit, but where to start?
The first four things I encourage adult, college, or high school students to do are
Put that to the four-part test
Watch out for your faves
Eliminate weak subject/weak verb combinations
Use timeline words only as necessary
Four-Part That Test
First, read the sentence aloud without that in it—if it still sounds all right, cut that.
Second, if the sentence refers to a person, always use who instead of that.
Third, substitute which for that in a few appropriate sentences to add a little variety.
Last, if none of the above work, you need that —leave it in.
Not sure whether you need to go to all that work? Count how many times you’ve used that in two or three pages. If you have more than about five, put them to the test.
Faves
Faves are your favorite words which you use over and over again. We all have them. The example above, that, is a frequent fave for many of us. Other favorites may be more specific to you, but some common ones are so, if, it, and, then, there. I have a peculiar pattern: since I’m aware of some of the common ones, I try to avoid them—but I’m a lover of words. I’ll find an interesting, fun word like rackabones. I like it so much I end up using it three or four times— perhaps in two paragraphs or so.
“The old rackabones drew his cloak around himself with a surprising show of dignity, even elegance.
‘May I help you, Sir?’ the rackabones asked, doffing a tall, grease-stained, pointy-hat that only an old rackabones could love.
Where would a creature like this man find such a skinny, peaked...‘Wait a minute!’ I cried. ‘How did you come by that hat? I’ve seen it before...’
‘My good Sir, as we have never met, I doubt...’
‘...on Merlin’s head!”
He swiftly turned on his heel and fled, while I ran shouting after him, ‘What have you done with Merlin, you thieving rackabones?!’”
Overkill. What are your favorites? Start noticing and keeping track. Even when they’re interesting words, one or two uses go a long way.
Weak Subj/V Combos
The subject of your sentence—a person, place, thing (or a pronoun standing in for the person, place or thing)—should be specific and interesting: a person’s name, Bob; or a word indicating his/her job, the builder; station in life, His Majesty, etc.; names of buildings, the Alamo; specific places, Kailua Beach; and so on. When we get lazy, we substitute weak words like this, there, these, that, it, etc. Then we compound the problem by adding some form of the to be verb: is, was, will be, or a combination of have/had and the to be verb: had been, will have been, etc. These combinations lead to passive sentences. Look for the ones you write beginning with this structure:
“It had been a long night of rain, thunder and hail.”
“There were often too many things to do and too little time to finish the work.”
“That was always something that bothered me.” (Here, we’ve got that twice!)
Showing up too often in your manuscript? One trick is to begin with the nearest noun. In the first sentence, the earliest noun is night:
“Night fell too quickly with only the sounds of rain,
thunder and hail to keep me company.”
When that doesn’t work, the sentence may just need to be turned around:
“With too many things to do, we hadn’t the time to
finish the work.”
Finally, you may need to do a complete rewrite to come up with an interesting sentence.
“All too often, night fell, rain and hail pounded the roof,
and lightning took out our power; but what always bothered
me the most was the inability to finish my work.”
Timeline Words
What I call timeline words are words which indicate sequence like then, now, first, next, later, etc. You may inadvertently insult your audience by seeming to distrust their ability to follow your thoughts unless you lead them by the hand. Think about writing an article on how to bake a cake:
“First, you take out the cake box. Then you get the eggs and milk, plus any extra ingredients you want to add like fruit, spices or chocolate drops. After that you’ll need to get your bowls and pans out. Now, you’re ready to begin. First, empty the mix into the mixing bowl. Then mix in the eggs and milk. Then, when your batter is smooth add nuts, chocolate, or any other necessary items. Before that, you should have pre-heated your oven. Then, when it has reached the correct temperature...yadda, yadda, yadda...” (Notice we’ve got first twice—how can two different things which are “first”?)
If you have only two or three steps in a process you are describing, you may legitimately refer to each by first, second, third; first, next, finally; a, b, c; or some other specific combination. But don’t assume the reader is too stupid to figure out in what order steps should be taken when you’ve written them in the correct sequence.
The other danger is that you may allow then, next, now to become some of your faves, when, really, you’re just thinking “Well...” or “Ummm...”—never an auspicious beginning for a new sentence.
You’ll be surprised at how much of your manuscript will be cleaned up by performing these four steps. Now (yes, now!), you’ll be ready to tackle typos, spelling and grammar problems, convoluted sentences, confusing structure, outlandish language, major plot-line flaws and all the rest of the editing process. Good luck and good writing! The BenschWensch
BIO: Brenda Bensch, M.A., is a writer, freelance editor and teacher. With 48 years (so far) in Utah’s college, high school and community classrooms teaching English, writing, reading skills, drama, humanities, and debate (among other subjects), she invites you to Ask the Teacher on her blog at http://www.benschblog.blogspot.com/
